Apple performing in Miami Beach, Florida, 2012
|Birth name||Fiona Apple McAfee-Maggart|
September 13, 1977 |
New York City, New York, U.S.
I caved in to what people wanted me to do. I thought that they weren't going to like me if I didn't.
There were songs I would write about breaking up with somebody before I broke up with them, months and months before I broke up with them.
I was never somebody who grew up going, 'I really want to be a singer in a band,' and I never had any ambition toward anything, really.
I know what my job is: I write the songs, I sing them, I play them on the piano.
I have a very steadfast tendency to parent myself, to monitor my development into the person I want to be. I've tried to keep the corruption minimal.
Because for whatever reason, even though I want to stay home all the time and be left alone, I want to tell the world who I am now.
How can you go wrong with two people in love? If a good boy loves a good girl, good. If a good boy loves another good boy, good. And if a good girl loves the goodness in good boys and good girls, then all you have is more goodness, and goodness has nothing to do with sexual orientation.
In a sense it's a lot crazier when you're on the road and it's a lot less stable, but it's actually really healthy for me because it keeps me from isolating, which I tend to do a lot.
I just tend to do things to myself that I don't realize I'm doing. Sometimes I bite my lip so that it splits and hurts, and yet I can't stop. And sometimes I'd play shows on the last run, I'd scratch my neck while I was singing, and I'd horrified to see these red streaks of blood after.
The way I feel about music is that there is no right and wrong. Only true and false.
I never went to concerts when I was a kid, so I never knew if what I was doing onstage was right.
There aren't many poster children for cool angst. Everybody thinks it's cool if you're the bad girl.
I got into therapy in the fifth grade because I said in a sarcastic way that I was going to kill myself, and they didn't get it then. Nothing's changed.
I dare anybody to look at me and say I'm anorexic. I'm so totally not.
I can bake. I made myself some nice French fries once. But otherwise I just eat out. Lots of salad bars.
I feel like I'm 100 years old. I can't tell you what I did today. I can't tell you what I did for seven years. I can't tell you. It happens so seamlessly – I'm just floating along and seven years go by.
I don't want to give any advice to a 19-year-old, because I want a 19-year-old to make mistakes and learn from them. Make mistakes, make mistakes, make mistakes. Just make sure they're your mistakes.
I've never been to the websites. It's a lot healthier for me to keep out of the conversations about me.
Sometimes interviews are fun and good conversations, but stuff like photo shoots and appearances at places where you have to meet a lot of people – I was never really made for this kind of stuff.
I really don't think anything I do is a mistake. It could be if I didn't learn from it.
Men are my bread and butter. It's what I live for! I have no shame about that.
I never thought I'd be in a position where people would be talking about my sexuality and saying how good I look in underwear.
I had really bad obsessive-compulsive disorder. At its worst, I was compelled to leave my house at three o'clock in the morning and go out in the alley because I just knew that the paper-towel roll I threw in the recycling bin was uncomfortable, like it was lying the wrong way, and I would be down in the garbage.
When you're surrounded by all these people, it can be even lonelier than when you're by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don't feel like you can trust anybody or talk to anybody, you feel like you're really alone.
I got all my work done to graduate in two months and then they were like, I'm sorry, you have to take driver's ed. I just kind of went, Oh, forget it.
I've gone through stages where I hate my body so much that I won't even wear shorts and a bra in my house because if I pass a mirror, that's the end of my day.
I don't know if anybody wants to mix their politics with their entertainment.
The only reason that it takes me seven years to do stuff is because I just don't really have a plan.
You can live your whole life in your brain and not experience what's around you. You go crazy that way.
Now I feel like whatever I do, no one can hurt me. I cannot be violated, I cannot be humiliated, I cannot be disregarded, I cannot be disrespected.
I'm not used to not having enough time to live with the songs. Usually, if I write something, I live with it for a little while.
I don't care what people do. I don't care how people remember my albums. I do them for my own reasons.
Everybody sees me as this sullen and insecure little thing. Those are just the sides of me that I feel it's necessary to show because no one else seems to be showing them.
If I respect myself and believe in what I'm doing, no one can touch me.
I got a lot of problems, but I'm really good at intuiting what I need to do to be happy with whatever I create. I know when to stop myself, I know when to start, I know when to leave something alone. I guess I just kind of indulge that completely, and so I just take my time.
Rape is the most humiliating thing that can be done to you; it's the most vulnerable that you can be. But once I realized that, I became a stronger person and faced all my fears.
I'm a really good parent to myself sometimes, and I do things that make me learn and grow.
Hearing my songs in public freaks me out a bit. There was one restaurant I really liked in L.A., but I had to stop going there when they started playing my music. It felt kinda awkward.
You think you're looking at things all the time, but you're not looking at things, you're looking at what your brain is interpreting through light and color. And who knows what everybody else sees?
I was told so many times when I was a kid, 'I can't be friends with you, you're too intense, you're too sad all the time.' I really thought that when I made the first album that everyone would understand me, all the people who weren't my friends would become my friends.
For me, the best times are always going to be the most intense, the ones with the highest highs and the lowest lows.
If I have one success in my relationship history, it's with the people who listen to my music. I think that they'll be there with me forever, and I'll be there with them forever. And I'm totally satisfied with that.
Our ancestors always thought of the worst thing that could happen, and that's why we're alive.
Nothing that you do will ever feel good if you let people convince you that you have no choice.
But I honestly don't read critics. My dad reads absolutely everything ever written about me. He calls me up to read ecstatic reviews, but I always insist that I can't hear them. If you give value to the good reviews, you have to give value to the criticism.
The age thing really bugs me. Do people have more of a right to not like what I say because I'm 19?
I don't go on lunch dates with friends. I hear about people having dinner parties, but I never do that. I'm not really human.
Life is all about the friendship and the love and the music. It sounds silly, but it is. I want to have that experience as much as I can as an adult, not as a kid doing something that people are telling her she has to do. If anyone gets in my way, I'm going to get them out of my way.
I'm incredibly impressed by people who organize to achieve a goal, and believe that they can make a difference and then go ahead and do just that. I think it's incredible.
Five years from now I'm probably going to look back on the things I'm doing and cringe.
And if I'm being honest, I don't think I have an ex-boyfriend who would have something mean to say about me.
I wrote 'Criminal' in 45 minutes when everyone else went to lunch because I had to have a hit. I can force myself to do the work, but only if someone is right up behind me.
I used to get a shiver if I thought about holding balloons, because I was scared of floating away.
You know, I've always thought that it would be really funny if somebody made a romantic comedy where absolutely everything went well from beginning to end.
When I was a kid – 10, 11, 12, 13 – the thing I wanted most in the world was a best friend. I wanted to be important to people; to have people that understood me. I wanted to just be close to somebody.
The worst pain in the world is shame. I spend a lot of time trying to not do anything bad to anyone, but you can't live your life and not hurt people.
I think I'm better at live shows than I used to be because I'm way more comfortable with the uncomfortable pauses between songs. Now, rather than trying to talk or do a costume change, I'll use those moments for myself. I listen to what other people are playing, or just rest, or dance, even though I don't know how to.
As a person who performs on stage, it's good to be emotionally open. If you mess with someone when they are in that state, it's like you're messing with an animal when it's eating.
I'm not the Queen. I'm not a huge superstar; I don't get paparazzi around me.