George Burns Quotes

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George Burns

Burns in 1986
Born Nathan Birnbaum
(1896-01-20)January 20, 1896
New York City, New York, U.S.
Died March 9, 1996(1996-03-09) (aged 100)
Beverly Hills, California, U.S.
Cause of death Cardiac arrest
Resting place Forest Lawn Memorial Park (Glendale), California
Other names Nattie, Nate
Occupation Actor, comedian, writer, singer
Years active 1902–1996
Spouse(s) Hannah Siegel (m. 1917; div. 1921)
Gracie Allen (m. 1926; d. 1964)[1]
Children Sandra Jean Burns (1934–2010)
Ronald Jon Burns (1935–2007)
Parent(s) Louis and Dorah (née Bluth) Birnbaum

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
George Burns
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns
I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
George Burns
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
George Burns
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
George Burns
You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
George Burns
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
George Burns
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
George Burns
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
George Burns
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
George Burns
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
George Burns
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.
George Burns
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns
How can I die? I'm booked.
At my age flowers scare me.
I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns
I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now – I'm booked.
George Burns
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
George Burns
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
George Burns
I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
George Burns
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
George Burns
I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
George Burns
This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
George Burns
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.