Jackie Mason Quotes

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Jackie Mason

Mason in 2006
Birth name Yacov Moshe Maza
Born (1931-06-09) June 9, 1931 (age 85)[1]
Sheboygan, Wisconsin, United States
Medium Stand-up
Nationality American
Alma mater City College of New York (B.A.)
Years active late 1950s–present[2]
Genres Political satire
Observational comedy
Improvisational comedy
Subject(s) American politics
International relations
Current events
Race relations
Jewish culture
American culture
Spouse Jyll Rosenfeld (1991–present)
Notable works and roles The World According to Me and Jackie Mason on Broadway
Website Jackie Mason website

My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies.
Predictions are preposterous.
I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.
Jackie Mason
If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.
It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.
Jackie Mason
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
Jackie Mason
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Jackie Mason
I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
Jackie Mason
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.
Jackie Mason
I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn't know what he's talking about.
Jackie Mason
I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.
Jackie Mason
I've been watching politics for 35 or 40 years and you just never know. You can have one person win the Iowa caucus and then the whole picture changes ten minutes later. The same thing can happen again after New Hampshire. I have no idea what's going to happen with our country in the future.
Jackie Mason
Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant – even if they wanted to be one?
Jackie Mason