Karl Pilkington Quotes

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Karl Pilkington

Pilkington in 2008
Born (1972-09-23) 23 September 1972 (age 44)
Manchester, England[1]
Occupation Television presenter, author, comedian, radio producer, actor, voice actor
Years active 1998–present
Notable work The Ricky Gervais Show, An Idiot Abroad, Derek, The Moaning of Life
Partner(s) Suzanne Whiston
Website karlpilkington.co.uk

You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that.
Karl Pilkington
With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads?
Karl Pilkington
Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight.
Karl Pilkington
I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too.
Karl Pilkington
I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage.
Karl Pilkington
To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after.
Karl Pilkington
I'm not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn't really changed.
Karl Pilkington
I don't know what 'famous' is, really.
I love nature – it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there.
Karl Pilkington
I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax.
Karl Pilkington
I think it's mental to pay for water. Where is that water coming from? Are they in the hills puttin' it into bottles when years ago it used to roll down and go into the lakes?
Karl Pilkington
I say have the night and give people the awards, but why do people want to watch people win awards? What are they getting out of it? I don't quite get it. Because they have awards all the time; there's awards for butchers, the best meat served, but they don't televise it. I don't know why they do it for films or TV programs.
Karl Pilkington
I've learnt that, even though I've travelled about, I haven't changed that much.
Karl Pilkington
We should all love animals.
And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.
Karl Pilkington
I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest.
I don't know what the future is, but you just do it whilst it's there, don't you?
Karl Pilkington
I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere.
Karl Pilkington
They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time?
Karl Pilkington
Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone.
I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan.
Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do – odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that.
Karl Pilkington
It's not a joke: I really do like being at home.
When I go on holiday and people ask me what I do, I tell them I do some internet stuff and I've done a couple of books and I hope they just leave it at that.
Karl Pilkington
When you've been on a programme called 'An Idiot Abroad' job offers aren't exactly flying in.
Karl Pilkington
The other day I was thinking – because I get a lot of headaches – I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't, dangling at the bottom somewhere.
Karl Pilkington
Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard.
A slug is always on its own. It's a lonely insect.
People who live in glass houses... have to answer the door.
Making the 'An Idiot Abroad' series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I'd hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill – just like everyone says.
Karl Pilkington
Comedy's really subjective, you know.
Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do.
I think it's a problem when something's a dream because it'll never live up to your expectations. It's better to go somewhere thinking it'll be horrible, and then be pleasantly surprised.
Karl Pilkington
At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is.
Karl Pilkington
I've got loads of nieces and nephews.
I've never worried about life's big questions.
I sometimes wonder how we're short of cod. There's gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it's a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should tell people they're running out of all sorts. Make 'em panic a bit.
Karl Pilkington
I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that, but when you see it on TV and you see other programs do it, you're seeing close-ups of these massive creatures, and the music that's added gives you a certain feeling.
Karl Pilkington
It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed.
I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.
You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go.
I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life.
Karl Pilkington
I don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm not important, am I? I'm not doing anything that makes a difference.
Karl Pilkington
Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive.
Karl Pilkington
I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about.
Karl Pilkington
Me mum used to always have the radio on – even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school – constant noise, really.
Karl Pilkington
We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, 'Well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species.'
Karl Pilkington
I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really.
Karl Pilkington
That's the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape.
I've done some luxury flying, which is brilliant. It has only happened once or twice, but it was nice because flying is the worst part of the holiday. But then again, if the plane crashes, you're still dead. For that much money I'd want a little capsule that whizzed me off to safety if it was going to crash.
Karl Pilkington
Chinese people age overnight.
The reason I did the book about holidays is that you're a different person on holiday. You're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you've never met and for 10 days you're someone else. You're out of your comfortable zone.
Karl Pilkington
I mean, I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere.
Karl Pilkington
I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin.
Karl Pilkington
I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt.
Karl Pilkington
I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester.
I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see.
Karl Pilkington
The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death.
Karl Pilkington
All fame is is having people you don't know coming up to you and saying, 'Hello.' I'm always polite and people are always nice, but it's weird.
Karl Pilkington
I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great.
People who live in a glass house have to answer the door.
I've never won many awards, I didn't get certificates for swimming or anything.
Karl Pilkington
Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on?
I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.
Karl Pilkington
People say if bees die out, the world would end, apparently. Now, I don't know if that's true, if that's some bee enthusiast who managed to write a good document, and people believe this.
Karl Pilkington
If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented.
Karl Pilkington
If you're doing the same job every day, there's room for error.
With acting, I didn't get much from it.
To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it?
Karl Pilkington
But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot.
Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.'
Karl Pilkington
If you'd have told me five years ago that I'd have done all this – two books, some television and everything – I'd panic, I'd be scared.
Karl Pilkington
If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people.
Karl Pilkington
I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there.
Karl Pilkington
People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone!
Karl Pilkington
For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see.
It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle.
People always tell me I'm going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option?
Karl Pilkington
I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.
Karl Pilkington
It's like there's some unwritten rule that if you're mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don't really get that annoyed about it.
Karl Pilkington