Kathy Griffin Quotes

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Kathy Griffin

Griffin at the 2015 Television Critics Association’s Press Tour
Birth name Kathleen Mary Griffin
Born (1960-11-04) November 4, 1960 (age 56)
Chicago, Illinois, U.S.
Medium

Television
stand-up

Nationality American
Years active 1980–present
Genres

Observational comedy
ribaldry
black comedy
improvisational comedy

Subject(s) Popular culture
Spouse Matt Moline (m. 2001; div. 2006)
Website kathygriffin.net

I feel more people can relate to the D-list than the A-list.
I have no limits, no filter, no class, no poise. No decorum. Just fun.
I am an outsider looking in, absolutely. You're not going to see me at the Academy Awards 'Vanity Fair' party any time soon. I'm not somebody who, no matter where I go, there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world, and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.
Kathy Griffin
I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.
Kathy Griffin
I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.
Kathy Griffin
I grew up in Chicago and was a huge fan of 'The Second City', so when I moved to L.A., I was looking for anything that resembled that… then I started 'The Groundlings', so I went to a show and it was very much like 'Second City'. I was so impressed that that same night I went backstage and I went up to the funniest person there.
Kathy Griffin
The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don't know they are.
Kathy Griffin
I don't like doing movies, period. Movies are hard. I like TV.
I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.
Kathy Griffin
I prefer being known for my stand-up because I write it. I love being an actor, and saying other people's words is great. But then, when I do stand-up, I love getting my own point of view out there.
Kathy Griffin
Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand.
Well, Jon Hamm isn't a real celebrity.
I love to work. I love doing standup.
I hate it, it is tedious… when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.
Kathy Griffin
Remember, folks, I am a comedian, not a journalist.
I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone… it's a joke!
Kathy Griffin
I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
Kathy Griffin
I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me… I love the food there.
Kathy Griffin
I actually have to pick and chose stuff that I know I'm going to bomb at.
Kathy Griffin
I love Mariah Carey. Remember the breakdown? I loved the breakdown.
Well, the coffeehouse audiences never know what they're going to get, and all the comics are different, as opposed to when you go to a club, and they're pretty much all telling jokes with set-ups and punchlines. Coffeehouse audiences are the most forgiving: They really listen, which is the best part.
Kathy Griffin
That's life when you're on the D-list.
Have I gone too far?
Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice.
It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.
My act has always reflected what's going on in my life.
So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.
My act is based on my life.
Pretty much everywhere I go, I'm pretty much thinking I'm going to be bounced. I am still the outsider who snuck into the party. I identify with the regular person, because that is who I am.
Kathy Griffin
I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone… it's a joke!
Kathy Griffin
Well, I think that when I perform on the road I always thank the audience for buying a ticket because it's a big deal to buy a ticket for a live entertainment, get a baby-sitter and pay for the meal, the parking, whatever.
Kathy Griffin
I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.
Kathy Griffin
No, I love Montreal… I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me… I love the food there.
Kathy Griffin
I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly.
Oh, I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly. But that's just part of the deal. I'm not really sure what's going to come out of my mouth.
Kathy Griffin
The great thing about celebrity culture is that they can't seem to stop themselves from displaying their ridiculous behaviour. I feel it's my job as a serious investigative journalist to witness all kinds of behaviour and then report back to the audience through the prism of my own anger and bitterness.
Kathy Griffin
I'm on every worst-dressed list imaginable.
But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.
Kathy Griffin
A lot of stars don't have a sense of humor.
I have to tell you, though, the sexism in late night talk is so profound.
I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly.
A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.
Kathy Griffin
The thing that bums me out about 'The Real World' is I don't want to believe that teenagers are that stupid.
Kathy Griffin
I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming.
The thing that cracks me up is how these reality characters start out thrilled and excited just to be on television, and how they move to thinking they are as big as the Friends.
Kathy Griffin
I'm not somebody who no matter where I go there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.
Kathy Griffin
My friend Anderson Cooper is the scion of one of America's great shipping and railroad families, the Vanderbilts.
Kathy Griffin
So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can't help it.
I'm a female in comedy, so of course I want there to be more women on 'SNL', and women of color.
Kathy Griffin
When I'm going to see a comedian, I don't want to see them hold back, and when I'm reading a book, I don't want to hear an abridged version.
Kathy Griffin
I also don't have a desire to be on the A-list. I feel more people can relate to the D-list than the A-list.
Kathy Griffin
I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great.
I identify with the regular person, because that is who I am.
I am in love with Larry David.
I do road gigs occasionally but I don't want to go out on the road for months at a time.
Kathy Griffin
I'm not always in that good with middle-aged heterosexual men.
I have what I call A-list moments, but believe me, I'm still on the D-list.
Kathy Griffin
It is a challenge, with the global fame, to try to act like I put my pants on one leg at a time, when in fact I have Pippa Middleton help me put my pants on every morning. She's my lady-in-waiting as well.
Kathy Griffin
I have a no-apology policy.
Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true.
Kathy Griffin
That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.
Kathy Griffin
I'll be honest, there's a part of me that does think I'm held to a different standard than my contemporaries and peers, and it's a little frustrating.
Kathy Griffin
To give up my job as a temp and actually make a living doing comedy, it was staggering.
Kathy Griffin
I'm basically always on tour.
If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.
Kathy Griffin