Quotes by: Fred Allen

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Fred Allen
Fred Allen circa 1940
Birth name John Florence Sullivan
Born (1894-05-31)May 31, 1894
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Died March 17, 1956(1956-03-17) (aged 61)
Manhattan, New York City
Show The Fred Allen Show
Network CBS, NBC
Style Comedian
Country United States
Spouse(s) Portland Hoffa (1927-1956 his death)

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Fred Allen
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.
Fred Allen
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Fred Allen
Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.
Fred Allen
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Fred Allen
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Fred Allen
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Fred Allen
The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.
Fred Allen
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
Fred Allen
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
Fred Allen
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