Quotes by: Larry the Cable Guy

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Larry the Cable Guy
Larry in 2007
Birth name Daniel Lawrence Whitney
Born (1963-02-17) February 17, 1963 (age 53)
Pawnee City, Nebraska, U.S.
Medium Stand-up
Television
Film
Radio
Books
Nationality American
Years active 1991–present
Genres Character comedy, black comedy, blue comedy, observational comedy, satire
Subject(s) Culture of the Southern United States, obesity, human sexuality, political correctness, self-deprecation, family, personal hygiene, food, heartburn
Influences Milton Berle[1]
Steve Martin[1]
Don Rickles[1]
Henny Youngman[1]
Influenced Billy the Bass Man
Spouse Cara Whitney (m. 2005)[2][3]
Children 2
Notable works and roles Blue Collar Comedy Tour
Larry McCoy in Delta Farce
Himself in Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector and Only in America with Larry the Cable Guy
Larry in Witless Protection
Mater in Cars, Cars 2, Cars 3, Cars Toons: Mater's Tall Tales, and Mater and the Ghostlight
Website Official site

What a piece of garbage this smart car is. There's a commercial - the smart car has zero percent interest for six years. Well, good, I got zero percent in six years in buying this smart car. I'll tell you that much. I mean, it's ridiculous. My buddy has a smart car, totaled it. He hit a deer tick.
Larry the Cable Guy
'Cars' has been a godsend. I mean, I get paid to talk into a mic. Honestly, I had no idea it would become as big as it did. When I first got the part of Mater, it was actually a small part. I did the voicing for it, though, and the animators liked it so much they rewrote the original script so that Mater could be in it more.
Larry the Cable Guy
I'm saying, Come on, the global warming thing? How did the ice melt during the ice ages? Was the dinosaurs driving SUVs around back then?
Larry the Cable Guy
I don't even see it as cable TV anymore. I've been called 'Larry the Cable Guy' for so long, I don't even think about it being about cable. I don't know anything about cable.
Larry the Cable Guy
Tony Orlando is one of the nicest guys I have ever met - bar none - in my entire life. I was always a fan when I was a kid - you know, huge fan. Who wasn't a fan of Tony Orlando?
Larry the Cable Guy
What I do onstage, there's maybe .0001 percent of the population that acts like that. I talk like that because it makes me laugh, and because I know a couple of people that talk like that. They're really that Southern. And they do funny things. I love 'em; they're awesome. They're good people.
Larry the Cable Guy
Doing a kid's movie is fun when you have kids. You don't want to do kids' movies if you don't have kids. When you have kids, things change in your life.
Larry the Cable Guy
The thing that's changed the way I do my stand-up act is having kids and getting older and wiser and smarter. There might be a joke or two in the past that I wish I hadn't done, but in the past, you can't have it back.
Larry the Cable Guy
We're homebodies. I've gotten to see my kids' first steps, first smiles, first words. Every day is a weekend.
Larry the Cable Guy
I've always felt that if you've been blessed, you should try to help as many people as you can. I just think that's the right thing to do.
Larry the Cable Guy
I'm a huge NASCAR fan, but I'm not a gearhead. I've never been into fixing cars. It's not because I don't like it. I would love to know more. It's just my dad never taught me that stuff because my dad wasn't a mechanic.
Larry the Cable Guy
I just developed my act way back in the late '80s. I went to college in Georgia, so I picked up the Southern accent. I talked like that with my friends all the time, because it was fun. It was funny... All my friends were real Southern. We're buddies, so I'd say stuff to make them laugh. So that was pretty much it.
Larry the Cable Guy
I don't really get to see a lot of other comedians, because I work with the same people all the time. The guy I really like is Nick DiPaulo. I love Nick DiPaulo, but again, he's a buddy of mine. But I liked him for a long time. I liked him before he was a buddy of mine.
Larry the Cable Guy
Even before I did stand-up, I've always been the kind of guy - and I talk about it on stage - who says I like people and I always look for the good in people. I say, 'Every person has something good about them, if you can just find it.'
Larry the Cable Guy
I saw a sign one time that said 'hemorrhoids awareness week' at the doctor's office. Let me tell you, if you got hemorrhoids, I'm sure you are aware of it. You don't need a sign to tell anybody about it.
Larry the Cable Guy
I was always a fan of the old-style comics. I loved vaudeville. I loved Milton Berle, Dick Shawn, Phyllis Diller, Don Rickles, Charlie Callas, all those guys. Hilarious. I love the Bing Crosby and Bob Hope movies, and Abbott & Costello. My television influences were 'Monty Python's Flying Circus,' 'Benny Hill,' and 'Hee Haw.'
Larry the Cable Guy
One of my little girls is named Reagan. Her first words were, 'Mr. Larry, tear down this crib.' That was her first words, it was very sweet. My first words were, 'Are you going to finish that sandwich?'
Larry the Cable Guy
We try to make the name longer and longer every year. First, it was 'Larry the Cable Guy's Christmas Spectacular.' Then it was 'It's a Very Larry Christmas.' Now it's 'Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-palooza Christmas Luau.' I'll tell you what it is: It's funny. That's what it is. Who cares what the name of it is? It is a funny special.
Larry the Cable Guy
As a comedian, I don't know if they're laughing because it's funny or if they're laughing at me because I'm not funny. And I'm thinking, 'Who cares? They're laughing.' If you go on stage, and they're laughing at you full-on for 60 minutes? You know, whatever puts them in the seats.
Larry the Cable Guy
The only reason I'm ever in character as 'Larry The Cable Guy' is because that's what I'm hired to do. In my movies, obviously they hired 'Larry The Cable Guy' to be 'Larry The Cable Guy.' When I do my shows, I'm 'Larry The Cable Guy.' When I do Jay Leno, it's: 'Please welcome 'Larry The Cable Guy.'
Larry the Cable Guy
I think probably one of the coolest things was when I went to play basketball at Rucker Park in Harlem. First of all, who would think that Larry the Cable Guy would go to Harlem to play basketball? And I was received like a rock star. It was amazing! There were people everywhere. There were guys walking by yelling, 'Git 'r done!'
Larry the Cable Guy
Every July, I look forward to taping a Christmas show - in July in Nashville. In 98-degree weather. I love it.
Larry the Cable Guy
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