Quotes on humor

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If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
George Carlin
The only difference between Hitler and Bush is that Hitler was elected.
Kurt Vonnegut
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Paul McCartney
You know what the fellow said – in Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace – and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.
Orson Welles
Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.
Terry Pratchett
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Steven Wright
We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.
David Sedaris
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Groucho Marx
So why in the name of Merlin’s saggy left —”
“Don’t talk to your mother like that.
J.K. Rowling
Well,” Tessa said, sighting along the line of the knife, “you behave as if you dislike me. In fact, you behave as if you dislike us all.”
“I don’t,” Gabriel said. “I just dislike him.” He pointed at Will.
“Dear me,” said Will, and he took another bite of his apple. “Is it because I’m better-looking than you?
Cassandra Clare
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
Erma Bombeck
What is it with you today?” says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are still
swollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face.
“Oh, you know,” I say. “Sun shining. Birds chirping.”
She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an underground
tunnel.
Veronica Roth
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
P.G. Wodehouse
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Quote of The Day
When you blame others you give up your power to change. Take responsibility for your future!

– Chris Voss

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