Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We’re supposed to be exercising.
Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Once I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
A good night sleep, or a ten minute bawl, or a pint of chocolate ice cream, or all three together, is good medicine.
V-Day…if you need this one day in a year to show everyone else you truly care for “your loved one” I think it’s quite stupid. I hate this commercialism. It’s all artificial, and has nothing to do with real love.
Jess C. Scott
Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation.
What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.
I look up to say something but he puts his finger to my lips and whispers, “Don’t talk. You’ll just spoil my fantasy of rescuing an innocent damsel in distress as soon as you open your mouth.
Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.
Anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days.
Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
He f**ks even better than he looks”, I settled on saying. Several heads turned. I didn’t care; I was pissed. “And that beautiful face is going to be clamped between my legs as soon as we get home, don’t you worry.
Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.