Quotes on humor

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Gossip is just a tool to distract people who have nothing better to do from feeling jealous of those few of us still remaining with noble hearts.
Anna Godbersen
I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter."

(Letter 16, 1657)
Blaise Pascal
Accidental sex. He made it sound like I fell down, and there just happened to be an erection in the way.
Laurell K. Hamilton
I try to avoid having thoughts. They lead to other thoughts, and—if you’re not careful—those lead to actions. Actions make you tired. I have this on rather good authority from someone who once read it in a book.
Brandon Sanderson
Just move to the Internet, its great here. We get to live inside where the weather is always awesome.
John Green
Were you always such a stubborn, blind, obtuse girl?”
“Are you calling me stupid?”
“Yes, but in a more poetic way!”
“Well, here’s a poem for you. Get lost!
Colleen Houck
Five syllables," Apollo said, counting them on his fingers. "That would be real bad.
Rick Riordan
Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder
Eoin Colfer
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Colleen Hoover
If I shot an arrow and thought about an ass, would it surprise you if it hit Erik?
P.C. Cast
I’m stuck babysitting turtle eggs while a volleyball player slash grease monkey slash aquarium volunteer tries to hit on me.”
I’m not hitting on you,” he protested.
No?”
Believe me, you’d know if I was hitting on you. You wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from succumbing to my charms.
Nicholas Sparks
I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.
George Carlin
Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
Oscar Wilde
To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.
Leonard Bernstein
A girl’s got to use what she’s given and I’m not going to make a guy drool the way a Britney video does. So I take it to extremes. I don’t say I dress sexily on stage - what I do is so extreme. It’s meant to make guys think: ‘I don’t know if this is sexy or just weird.
Lady Gaga
The nuclear arms race is like two sworn enemies standing waist deep in gasoline, one with three matches, the other with five.
Carl Sagan
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When you blame others you give up your power to change. Take responsibility for your future!

– Chris Voss

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