Quotes on humor

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Never doubt my weaseling abilities, Shadowhunter, for they are epic and memorable in their scope.
Cassandra Clare
Are you a female dog?"
"What?" Massie asked. "Why?"
"Because you are acting like a real bitch!
Lisi Harrison
Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.
Charles M. Schulz
[In the Universe it may be that] Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare. Some would say it has yet to occur on Earth.
Stephen Hawking
Did he just rip out the engine?" I asked.
"Yes", Saiman said. "And now he is demolishing the Maserati with it."
Ten seconds later Curran hurled the twisted wreck of black and orange that used to be the Maserati into the wall.
The first melodic notes of an old song came from the computer. I glanced at Saiman.
He shrugged. "It begged for a soundtrack.
Ilona Andrews
Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.
Mae West
What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Mark Twain
You have something on your neck.
What
Looks like a bite mark, what were you doing out all night, anyway?
Nothing. I went walking in the park. Tried to clear my head.
And ran into a vampire
What? No! I fell.
On your neck?
Cassandra Clare
My shoulder will never be the same. I expect you to nurse me back to health.
Cassandra Clare
You leave me tied up like a dog? Then you had better remember that this bitch bites!
Kresley Cole
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Robert Bloch
My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.
Ellen DeGeneres
Every morning when I wake up, I experience an exquisite joy —the joy of being Salvador Dalí— and I ask myself in rapture: What wonderful things is this Salvador Dalí going to accomplish today?
Salvador Dalí
Speak in French when you can’t think of the English for a thing--
turn your toes out when you walk---
And remember who you are!
Lewis Carroll
When someone tells you somebody’s been murdered, laughing is probably not the best response. You know, for future reference.

But laughing is exactly what I did.
Rachel Hawkins
I might have known,” said Eeyore. “After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said ‘Bother!’. The Social Round. Always something going on.
A.A. Milne
Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.
No hope, no harm; just another false alarm
Morrissey
I swear, my dear. Sometimes our conversations remind me of a broken sword."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Sharp as hell," Lightsong said, "but lacking a point.
Brandon Sanderson
Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.
Sam Levenson
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Quote of The Day
When you blame others you give up your power to change. Take responsibility for your future!

– Chris Voss

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