Quotes on humor

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Wow. When he started looking back on the war with Kronos as the good old days--that was sad.
Rick Riordan
May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall!
Aleister Crowley
No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
George Carlin
Well? Is it true? Did she?"
"Did she what?"
"You know. Fall outta the crazy tree and hit every branch on the way down?
Kami Garcia
I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
George Carlin
Margaret Atwood, the Canadian novelist, once asked a group of women at a university why they felt threatened by men. The women said they were afraid of being beaten, raped, or killed by men. She then asked a group of men why they felt threatened by women. They said they were afraid women would laugh at them.
Molly Ivins
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them.
My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from prosecution and c) a baseball bat.
Terry Pratchett
Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
Ambrose Bierce
Tasers are a one-size-fits-all paranormal butt-kicking option. Mine’s pink with
rhinestones.
Kiersten White
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
Ellen Goodman
Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room.
Ilona Andrews
Hey, Carlos," the Professor says when he walks in. "How was REACH?"
"It sucked."
"Can you be more specific?" my guardian asks.
"It really sucked," I elaborate, sarcasm dripping from every word.
Simone Elkeles
Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.
Zora Neale Hurston
Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.
Lemony Snicket
The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.
Richard Pryor
See?” I’d whispered to Bones, nudging him with a grin. “He never argues with her. Isn’t that sweet?”
A snort preceded his response. “Keep dreaming, pet.
Jeaniene Frost
I was talking aloud to myself. A habit of the old: they choose the wisest person present to speak to
J.R.R. Tolkien
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