Quotes on humor

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Ah, well,ʺ said Abe, idly studying his fingertips. ʺI have it on good authority thereʹs going to be a new ‘gateʹ opening up soon over on the south side of the wall."

The truth dawned on me. ʺOh lord. Youʹre the one whoʹs been doling out C4.ʺ

ʺYou make it sound so easy,ʺ he said with a frown. ʺThat stuffʹs hard to get a hold of.
Richelle Mead
The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter.
Dave Barry
She craved a tall glass of the fresh-squeezed lemonade from the pitcher she’d left chilling in the fridge. Two glasses served with a generous slice of pound cake with orange glaze icing sounded twice as nice.
Ed Lynskey
No dumb bastard ever won a war by going out and dying for his country. He won it by making some other dumb bastard die for his country.
George S. Patton Jr.
Lynn, she saved half our faction from this stuff," says Marlene, tapping the bandage on her arm from where the Dauntless traitors shot her. "Well, half of half of our faction."
"In some circles they call that a quarter, Mar," Lynn says.
Veronica Roth
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler
In the long second before everyone absorbs what just happened, I see the angel rolling his eyes heavenward, like a teenager in the presence of overwhelming lameness. Some people just have no sense of gratitude.
Susan Ee
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."

[Mark Twain, a Biography]
Mark Twain
There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who believe there are two kinds of people in this world and those who are smart enough to know better.
Tom Robbins
A few seconds after he stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind him, there was a fleshly smack and then Andrew yelling, “Ouch. What in the hell was that for?” “Your timing sucks on an epic level,” Daemon shot back.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
Steve Martin
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
Mark Twain
Bones has always been smart," I muttered. "His intelligence was just camouflaged under a mountain of p**sy."

Cat
Jeaniene Frost
She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.
Dora J. Arod
I’ve met plenty of embarrassing parents, but Kronos, the evil Titan Lord who wanted to destroy Western Civilization? Not the kind of dad you invited to
school for Career Day.
Rick Riordan
Studies have shown that an ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother.
Terry Pratchett
Isabelle snorted, "All the boys are gay. In this truck, anyway. Well, not you, Simon."
"You noticed," said Simon.
"I think of myself as a freewheeling bisexual," added Magnus.
"Please never say those words in front of my parents," said Alec.
Cassandra Clare
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