Quotes on humor

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Maybe you could be mine / or maybe we’ll be entwined / aimless in this sexless foreplay.
Jess C. Scott
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.
Dorothy Parker
Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Ambrose Bierce
I am a believer in free will. If my dog chooses to hate the whole human race except myself, it must be free to do so.
Diana Wynne Jones
There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, or liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal.
Lemony Snicket
The man once wrote: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. Tolkien had that one mostly right.

I stepped forward, let the door bang closed, and snarled, "Fuck subtle.
Jim Butcher
My own opinion is enough for me, and I claim the right to have it defended against any consensus, any majority, anywhere, any place, any time. And anyone who disagrees with this can pick a number, get in line, and kiss my ass.
Christopher Hitchens
Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa," intoned Opal, finishing her chant. "Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs.
Eoin Colfer
Rule number one of anime," Simon said. He sat propped up against a pile of pillows at the foot of his bed, a bag of potato chips in one hand and the TV remote in the other. He was wearing a black T-shirt that said I BLOGGED YOUR MOM and a pair of jeans that were ripped in one knee. "Never screw with a blind monk.
Cassandra Clare
An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it makes a better soup.
H.L. Mencken
If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion, and avoid the people, you might better stay home.
James A. Michener
I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don’t remember what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose.
P.G. Wodehouse
I suppose it’s not a social norm, and not a manly thing to do — to feel, discuss feelings. So that’s what I’m giving the finger to. Social norms and stuff…what good are social norms, really? I think all they do is project a limited and harmful image of people. It thus impedes a broader social acceptance of what someone, or a group of people, might actually be like.
Jess C. Scott
Be kind to dragons, for thou art crunchy when toasted and taste good with ketchup. (Sebastian)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
You can swim, too." he says. "Where did you learn that in District Twelve?"
"We have a very big bathtub.
Suzanne Collins
Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!
Lewis Carroll
Sometimes I think it is a great mistake to have matter that can think and feel. It complains so. By the same token, though, I suppose that boulders and mountains and moons could be accused of being a little too phlegmatic.
Kurt Vonnegut
Me and Katy look adorkable in extraterrestrial
highway shirts. You would just look stupid. You can thank me later.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove.
P.G. Wodehouse
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