Quotes on humor

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Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
Ellen DeGeneres
I made this [letter] very long, because I did not have the leisure to make it shorter.
Blaise Pascal
I had a dream about you. You were an escalator, and I was a flight of stairs. You thought I was a Luddite, and I thought I was as ostrich, because I hadn’t figured out how to put the fly in flight. One day you broke down, and then you saw that you and I weren’t so different after all.
Dora J. Arod
I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s commonly called a “politician,” and must be destroyed.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I called Vee.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

"Good. How are you?"

"Good."

Silence.

"Okay," Vee said in a rush, "I am still totally freaked out. You?"

"Totally.
Becca Fitzpatrick
He looked back at her, and when she saw the look on his face, she saw his eyes at Renwick’s, when he had watched the Portal that separated him from his home shatter into a thousand irretrievable pieces. He held her gaze for a split second, then looked away from her, the muscles in his throat working.
Cassandra Clare
Arthur blinked at the screens and felt he was missing something important. Suddenly he realized what it was.

"Is there any tea on this spaceship?" he asked.
Douglas Adams
Fiction was invented the day Jonah arrived home and told his wife that he was three days late because he had been swallowed by a whale..
Gabriel García Márquez
Down in the water, Octavian yelled, “Get me out of here! I’ll kill you!”
“Tempting,” Percy called down.
Rick Riordan
But Piglet is so small that he slips into a pocket, where it is very comfortable to feel him when you are not quite sure whether twice seven is twelve or twenty-two.
A.A. Milne
Basically, everyone thinks--knows--how sweet I am.

Emma, you threw my sister through hurricane-proof glass.
Anna Banks
Kenji snorts.“That’s because you’re not fragile,” Kenji says. “If anything, everyone needs to protect themselves from you. You’re like a freaking beast,” he says. Then adds, “I mean, you know—like, a cute beast. A little beast that tears shit up and breaks the earth and sucks the life out of people.
Tahereh Mafi
Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it.
René Descartes
Usually my form of turning someone down was shoving a stake through his heart while smirking, Gotcha!
Jeaniene Frost
Katsa and Po were trying to drown each other and, judging from their hoots of laughter, enjoying it immensely.
Kristin Cashore
Whitney Houston’s cover of “I Will Always Love You” was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one.
Tina Fey
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.
Douglas MacArthur
Room service? Send up a larger room."

[A Night at the Opera]
Groucho Marx
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When you blame others you give up your power to change. Take responsibility for your future!

– Chris Voss

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