Quotes on humor

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Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God.
Scott Dikkers
Any customer can have a car painted any colour that he wants so long as it is black.
Henry Ford
Kitten, this is my best mate, Charles, but you can call him Spade. Charles, this is Cat, the woman I’ve been telling you about. You can see for yourself that everything I’ve said is…an understatement.
Jeaniene Frost
Sigh"
"Did you just say sigh? out loud? instead of actually sighing?
"Eye roll
Colleen Hoover
Can you define "plan" as "a loose sequence of manifestly inadequate observations and conjectures, held together by panic, indecision, and ignorance"? If so, it was a very good plan.
Jonathan Stroud
Hell may have all the best composers, but heaven has all the best choreographers.
Neil Gaiman
Because I trust in the ever-changing climate of the heart. (At least, today I feel that way.) I think it is necessary to have many experiences for the sake of feeling something; for the sake of being challenged, and for the sake of being expressive, to offer something to someone else, to learn what we are capable of.
Jason Mraz
When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.
Mark Twain
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks
Do you love him?"
There were only a few people in the world who could ask me such insanely personal questions without getting punched. Dimitri was one of them.
Richelle Mead
Why did he have to be so gorgeous? Why did he have to stand so close, and why did I still love him so much?
Jeaniene Frost
I had just heard tales that the Valkyrie were large warriors, akin to Amazons.”

“If you’re the sole survivor of an army attacked by us, are you going to say we had our asses handed to us by petite, nubile females, or by she-monsters who can bench Buicks?
Kresley Cole
I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.
Darynda Jones
The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty.
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
It is by the goodness of god that in our country we have those 3 unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
Mark Twain
I glanced up to see Liz and smiled. "Thank you."

"I just went along for the ride. After that happened-" She waved at Derek. "You know how blind people need Seeing Eye dogs? Well, apparently werewolves could really use Opening Door poltergeists.
Kelley Armstrong
When you say gorgeous,” Jen started, “are we talking Brad Pitt boyish good looks, or Johnny Depp make ya want to slap somebody?” “No, we’re talking Brad and Johnny need to bow down and recognize” Jacque answered.
Quinn Loftis
...cursing my heels and debating whether it was faster to stop and take them off--damn ankle straps!--or keep running with the potential neck breakers. Wouldn’t that make a charming epitaph? Here lies Cat. Killed not by fang, but Ferragamos.
Jeaniene Frost
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
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Quote of The Day
When you blame others you give up your power to change. Take responsibility for your future!

– Chris Voss

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