Quotes on humor

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You know how to shoot?"- Emma

"Yes. My dad taught me everything about gun safety. He was an expert." - Heather

"What happened to him?" -Shanna

"He was...shot." -Heather
Kerrelyn Sparks
You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
Albert Einstein
The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.
Stephen Hawking
If I behave as though this is a completely normal situation, then maybe it will be ...
Sophie Kinsella
Actually, I was the very lowest ranked member of the crew. I would only be “in command” if I were the only remaining person.”
What do you know? I’m in command
Andy Weir
There is a proverbial saying chiefly concerned with warning against too closely calculating the numerical value of un-hatched chicks.
Neil Gaiman
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Steven Wright
I have a great mind to believe in Christianity for the mere pleasure of fancying I may be damned.
George Gordon Byron
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Alfred Hitchcock
Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.
Christopher Moore
In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.
P.G. Wodehouse
A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.
Mark Twain
Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs.
J.K. Rowling
Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied?
William Makepeace Thackeray
A photographer is like a cod, which produces a million eggs in order that one may reach maturity.
George Bernard Shaw
Tomorrow was my second chance to make things right but it never came. I’m sorry I never treasured the time we had for those regrets I take the blame. You gave everything you had. I took without giving back.” Sed paused in his song, feeling ridiculous for singing it to her while they made love.

“Baby, you realize this song is about Trey’s dead dog, don’t you?
Olivia Cunning
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Quote of The Day
When you blame others you give up your power to change. Take responsibility for your future!

– Chris Voss

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