Quotes on humor

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Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives. The English reading public explains the reason why.
James Joyce
Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.
Scott Adams
I resisted the urge to hurl my plate at him. “Of course not, Ian. It’s just that normally at this hour, Bones and I are fucking like rabbits, so I get twitchy when I have to wait for him to climb aboard.
Jeaniene Frost
If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?
Philip, Duke of Edinburgh
Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.
Amy Sedaris
Truth would quickly cease to be stranger than fiction, once we got as used to it.
H.L. Mencken
Why should any guy want to be only friends with a girl? It’s like agreeing to be near a chocolate cake and never eat it. It’s like sitting in a racing car but not driving it.
Chetan Bhagat
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
Scott Adams
First Pallas and now you,” the gray-haired man said, shaking his head at Nick. “It’s like I’m running a goddamn dating service around here.
Julie James
Sure,” she said, and hugged the laptop bag closer. “What could go wrong?”
Michael’s eyes flashed to meet hers in the rearview mirror.
Besides everything, I mean,” she said.
Rachel Caine
When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman.
P.B. Kerr
I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.
Eoin Colfer
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– Chris Voss

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