Quotes on humor

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Karl Marx: "Religion is the opiate of the masses."

Carrie Fisher: "I did masses of opiates religiously.
Carrie Fisher
Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.
Garrison Keillor
Redemption, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned. The doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our holy religions, and whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it.
Ambrose Bierce
You saw my leg?"
"How can a man help what he sees?" he said. "And, if I could add, you possess a very fine leg.
Shannon Hale
The Destiny of Man is to unite, not to divide. If you keep on dividing you end up as a collection of monkeys throwing nuts at each other out of separate trees.
T.H. White
I’ve had a tense couple of days. And I’ve got to tell you, burning someone’s face off sounds like a great way to relax.
Jim Butcher
It is proved by surveys that happiness does not come from love, wealth, or power but the pursuit of attainable goals.
Helen Fielding
Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.
Chelsea Handler
Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?
— Riley Poole
Ann Lloyd
One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.
Ellen DeGeneres
You know how hard it is to feel like an extreme falcon-headed combat machine when somebody calls you "chicken man"?
Rick Riordan
She wondered if it was her stupid mother, the goddess of love, messing with her thoughts. If Piper started getting urges to read fashion magazines, she was going to have to find Aphrodite and smack her.
Rick Riordan
Ford carried on counting quietly. This is about the most aggressive thing you can do to a computer, the equivalent of going up to a human being and saying "Blood...blood...blood...blood...
Douglas Adams
I felt this awful obligation to be charming or at least have something to say, and the pressure of having to be charming (or merely verbal) incapacitates me.
Peter Cameron
I disapprove of matrimony as a matter of principle.... Why should any independent, intelligent female choose to subject herself to the whims and tyrannies of a husband? I assure you, I have yet to meet a man as sensible as myself! (Amelia Peabody)
Elizabeth Peters
And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag.
Scott Westerfeld
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one. Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.
Jerome K. Jerome
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When you blame others you give up your power to change. Take responsibility for your future!

– Chris Voss

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