Quotes on humor

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Tyler lies back and asks, "If Marilyn Monroe were alive right now, what would she be doing?"

I say, goodnight.

The headliner hangs down in shreds from the ceiling and Tyler says, "Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
Chuck Palahniuk
I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it.
Steven Wright
Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.
Bauvard
We?" Simon looked at him in disbelief. "Are you ever going home?"
"What, bored with my company already?"
"Let me ask you something," Simon said. "Do you find me fascinating to be around?"
"What was that?" Jace said. "Sorry, I think I fell asleep for a moment. Do, continue with whatever mesmerizing thing you were saying.
Cassandra Clare
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
Ambrose Bierce
We are like chameleons, we take our hue and the color of our moral character, from those who are around us.
John Locke
Then why are you here?” Emma demanded. “Oh, is this one of those missed-connections things? We met the other night, you felt a spark? Sorry, but I don’t date trees.”

“I am not a tree.” Iarlath looked angry, his bark peeling slightly.
Cassandra Clare
Rose took my nose, I suppose,” he repeated; the bubble of phlegm in his throat made a disgusting crackle. “And it really blows.
James Dashner
Do you realize how hard it is to keep your mind clear when somebody’s telling you to keep your mind clear?
Tom Upton
I can chase you, and I can catch you,
but there is nothing I can do to make you mine.
Morrissey
The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen
Stephen King
Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake.
A.A. Milne
In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
Mark Twain
Nozy Cat lifted one sleepy eyelid, and his marble blue eye glared at her for interrupting his sacred nap. He wore a yellow collar with little red stars printed on it. His second eyelid also opened, and he gave them his irritated blue-eyed glare.
Lyn Key
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When you blame others you give up your power to change. Take responsibility for your future!

– Chris Voss

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