Quotes on humor

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He smiled in a way that made me want to kiss him right on the spot. Or the lips. Whichever was closer.
Shannon Hale
I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote.
Steven Wright
It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive.
Terry Pratchett
The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here.
Jerry Seinfeld
Shuck it,” Minho responded. “I’m tougher than nails. I could still kick your pony-lovin’ butt with twice this pain.”
Thomas shrugged. “I do love ponies. Wish I could eat one right now.
James Dashner
Dear God in heaven.”
Nik and Ban turned away, but Alek stood. Transfixed. “My God, y’all. She’s the worst goddamn dancer I’ve ever seen.”
“Turn away. It’ll hurt your eyes. Turn away!
Shelly Laurenston
A whizzpopper!" cried the BFG, beaming at her. "Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! You surely is not telling me that a little whizzpopping if forbidden among human beans?
Roald Dahl
She seemed to be a nice person, too, instead of a homicidal bitch like his former wife. Otherwise, the world should fear. When Mencheres fell for a woman, he fell hard. If Kira asked for her own continent as a birthday present, Mencheres would probably have one conquered for her before she blew out her candles.
Jeaniene Frost
No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought?
--Poirot
Agatha Christie
The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.
Bauvard
Elizabeth: "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?"
Darcy: "They belong to you, Miss Bennett.
Seth Grahame-Smith
My capacity for happiness," he added, "you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first
Douglas Adams
I’d heard you were dead.”
"I heard you wear a red lace corset,” I said matter-of-factly. “But I don’t believe every bit of nonsense that gets rumored about.
Patrick Rothfuss
I will describe my eyes and then begin the story. My eyes are blue and resplendent. Now I will begin the story.
Jonathan Safran Foer
Humor can get in under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle.
G.K. Chesterton
How is it that little children are so intelligent and men so stupid? It must be education that does it
Alexandre Dumas
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Quote of The Day
When you blame others you give up your power to change. Take responsibility for your future!

– Chris Voss

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