Quotes on humor

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What should I say? ‘Well, the murder was a little upsetting, and the fire did worry me a bit. I was nearly date-raped and my ex best friend is crazy. But, hey, at least I’m making an A in History’?
C.J. Daugherty
It was the hat. He looked sweet in the hat. How could a man in a fuzzy blue hat have used human bones to pave his roads?
Jennifer Egan
Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful.
Bill Watterson
He moved to sniff some white-and-yellow flowers.
A nightmare. This was a nightmare. “You can’t really like flowers.”
Again those dark eyes shifted to her. Blinked once.
I most certainly do, he seemed to say.
Sarah J. Maas
A recent survey or North American males found 42% were overweight, 34% were critically obese and 8% ate the survey.
Banksy
If God wanted a world filled with saints, He never would have created adolescence.
Susan Beth Pfeffer
Closed. Plenty of time to see it later, remember?" He leads me into the courtyard, and I take the opportunity to admire his backside. Callipygian. There is something better than Notre-Dame.
Stephanie Perkins
The long run is a misleading guide to current affairs. In the long run we are all dead.
John Maynard Keynes
But there is in everything a reasonable division of labour. I have written the book, and nothing on earth would induce me to read it.
G.K. Chesterton
Well,” she said. “I’m frustrated.”
“Don’t make me angry-kiss you.”
“Give me the laundry.”
“Tempers rising, faces flushed … This is how it happens.
Rainbow Rowell
Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
Stephen Colbert
Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
H.L. Mencken
That’s why I admired that kid who spelled it wrong on purpose so he could sit down. He knew he wasn’t going to win, so why stand there for 3 hours.

First round. “Cat, K-A-T, I’m outta here.” Then as he passed you, “Ha! I know there’s 2 T’s.
Brian Regan
Nothing is safe from you. If I were to court a girl who lived on an iceberg in the middle of the ocean, sooner or later— probably sooner— I’d look up to see you swooping overhead on a broomstick. In fact, by now I’d be disappointed in you if I didn’t see you.”
“Are you off to the iceberg today?” Sophie retorted.
Diana Wynne Jones
A horse must be a bit mad to be a good cavalry mount, and its rider must be completely so.
Steven Pressfield
If you want to be seen, stand up.
If you want to be heard, speak up.
If you want to be appreciated, shut up.
Bill Cosby
Jiggery pokery!” said Harry in a fierce voice. “Hocus pocussquiggly wiggly —”
“MUUUUUUM!” howled Dudley, “He’s doing you know what!
J.K. Rowling
Are you her boyfriend?”
...
No, I’m her fiancé.” Nate said.
We’ve been promised to each other since birth,” Summer added.
Our wedding isn’t until March.
Brandon Mull
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When you blame others you give up your power to change. Take responsibility for your future!

– Chris Voss

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