Quotes on humor

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There were no windows in my bedroom, so I had to sit up and read my clock to figure out how angry I should be at my visitor. Eight A.M. I hated whoever woke me up. Had they come an hour earlier, I would have also hated their families and any household pets.
Lish McBride
Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.
Terry Pratchett
I have nightmares about hell, where all I do is add up numbers and try to have conversations with people like you.
Jim Butcher
An Assassin, a real Assassin, had to look like one - black clothes, hood, boots, and all. If they could wear any clothes, any disguise, then what could anyone do but spend all day in a small room with a loaded crossbow pointed at the door?
Terry Pratchett
And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word.
Dorothy Parker
Did you get notes for me?"
"No", Ronan replied,"I thought you were dead in a ditch.
Maggie Stiefvater
She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy, when the so-called counselors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.

-Artemis Fowl
Eoin Colfer
It’s good to be here. I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It’s not working out too well.
Brian Regan
To paraphrase Oedipus, Hamlet, Lear, and all those guys, "I wish I had known this some time ago.
Roger Zelazny
College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?
David Wood
She wished, as almost all kids wish at one point or another, that she could turn into a pterodactyl and fly away and never come back.
Gina Damico
I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people’s nightmares.
Bauvard
Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.
George Carlin
*Appendix usually means "small outgrowth from large intestine," but in this case it means "additional information accompanying main text." Or are those really the same things? Think carefully before you insult this book.
Pseudonymous Bosch
The inhabitants of the earth are of two sorts: those with brains, but no religion, and those with religion, but no brains.
Al-Maʿarri
Hatori: "SHIGURE... I WILL TELL EVERYONE IN THE PUBLISHING INDUSTRY EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT YOU, STARTING FROM WHEN YOU WERE FOUR YEARS OLD..."

Shigure: "Sorry, Tohru-kun. My lips are sealed!
Natsuki Takaya
How’s Her Royal Bitchiness?”

“Alive.”

“Pity.
Nalini Singh
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When you blame others you give up your power to change. Take responsibility for your future!

– Chris Voss

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