Quotes on humor

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The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
H.L. Mencken
I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle: diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen. (I didn’t tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.)
John Green
Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
Stephenie Meyer
It’s fascinating. You know all these words, and they’re all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don’t make any sense.
Cassandra Clare
I guess it’s true what they say," observed Jace. "There are no straight men in the trenches."
"That’s atheists, jackass," said Simon furiously. "There are no atheists in the trenches.
Cassandra Clare
For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That’s a basilisk, listeners. One simple test: Check whether the thing that’s glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it’s safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that’s still likely to be the last thing you ever do.
J.K. Rowling
A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar.
Carolyn G. Heilbrun
Takes a lot of tries before you hit perfection." He paused to reconsider that. "Well, except for my parents. They got it on the first try." (Adrian)
Richelle Mead
I had a boyfriend who told me I’d never succeed, never be nominated for a Grammy, never have a hit song, and that he hoped I’d fail. I said to him, ‘Someday, when we’re not together, you won’t be able to order a cup of coffee at the fucking deli without hearing or seeing me.
Lady Gaga
Going round and around inside a dryer can be fatal, whereas pasta is rarely fatal. Unless Isabelle makes it.
Cassandra Clare
There is nothing more luxurious than eating while you read—unless it be reading while you eat. Amabel did both: they are not the same thing, as you will see if you think the matter over.
E. Nesbit
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When you blame others you give up your power to change. Take responsibility for your future!

– Chris Voss

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